The Engine・俺神

 

[俺] 何やっているの

  I What are you doing?

[神] 何もやってない

 G I’m not doing anything

[俺] いつもの話

  I The usual story

[神] いつもの沈黙

 G The usual silence

[俺] それでいいの

  I You’re alright with that?

[神] 仕方がない

 G It’s not like I can do much about it

[俺] そうか

  I Right

[神] そう

 G Give me a break

Je m’étais couché de bonne heure. 早く寝て、早く起きた。

Waking up at this ungodly hour, all Proust’s fault.

[俺] 神さま、日本語できるか

  I My Goddess, can you speak Japanese?

[神] できるわけない

 G Can anyone?

[俺] お前も

  I Not even you, eh

[神] 裏も

 G The underside, too

[俺] 分かる。日本人として生まれてない場合

  I I hear you. If you’re not born Japanese…

[神]　生まれてない

 G I wasn’t 

[俺] でも一応頑張っているみたい

  I But you seem to be trying more or less

[神] ノブレス・オブリージュ

 G Noblesse oblige

[俺] ノブレス、オプリーズ

  I Noblesse, oh please

J’étais moi-même une église. 自分って、教会だった。

On page one he writes this, and it didn’t even sound particularly megalo-, simply drowning out in the rest of the temps perdu.

[神] 教会だって、入れる場所ってことか

 G Proust being a church, meaning I can get in?

[俺] はいれるか、いれるか

  I Get in, or put it in?

[神] レッド・ホット・チリペッパーズみたいに

 G Like the Red Hot Chili Peppers do?

[俺] ザ・スマイルの方がいい

  I I prefer The Smile

[神] そうだろうね

 G I suppose you would

[俺] だろう。でもなんの話

  I I would. But what are we talking about?

[神] プルースト、教会として。あるいは…

 G Proust being a church. Or…

[俺] あるいは、何

  I Or what?

[神] あるいはコンドーム

 G Or a condom

[俺] お前は、やっぱり

  I You, you’re after all…

[神] やっぱり

 G After all?

[俺] レッド・ホット・チリペッパーズのファン

  I A Red Hot Chili Peppers fan

[神] なのだ

 G This Here Holiness pleads guilty

Il faudra souffrir sans remède. しっかり痛みを感じなければならない。There you have it, the little sadistic streak. What kind of suffering? 痛みをしっかり感じる。The most extremely unbearable lightness here, of being, must be that of doubt. With no remedy anywhere, no conclusion, no escape. Toute la nuit. Le dernier domestique est parti. ずうっと朝まで。犬も逃げた。Irritably reaching after fact & reason, rather Coleridge than Shakespeare. サブライム。真実の変な美しさ。This is the poetry, not of Hamlet, but of Dr Doubt. A nephew of Mr Cogito, never content, gazing still – and with how blank an eye! 愛。C’est minuit.

[俺] 疑い先生

  I The before-life of doubt

[神] 教授だから

 G Because you’re a professor?

[俺] それじゃない。疑うということって…

  I That’s not it. To doubt…

[神] つぎ込むということ

 G To sink money into; to inject; to impregnate

[俺] それが質問

  I That’s the question

[神] 我疑う、ゆえに我子供でき

 G Dubito ergo tata 

[俺] 俺の実験室

  I My lab

[神] ちょっと嫌らしくない

 G Your publisher is going to clam up again  

Les crimes de Zolo me faisaient examiner ma propre conscience avec plus de plaisir. ゾロって誰といったら、喜和男に聞くべき。Pleasure, or relish. The recognition of a kindred spirit. Not Zolo or Zorro, but the Embrace of Life. The being in line with being. 存応。反省することは、確かに楽しむしかない。そうしないと、鬱病になる。It’s too obvious to have to spell it out. And yet, here we go. Précipitamment. If you can’t find something to appreciate or even enjoy in the act of reflection, you’re down the route of learned helplessness and its inevitable culmination in the need for medication. 焼酎。

[神] 耳腐っている

 G You’ve got mushrooms growing out of your ears

[俺] お前言うか

  I Look who’s talking

Le moment annonçait celui qui allait le suivre. 今から、次。Duh. Nothing more or less than the arrow of time. From here to eternity, or with The Bad Seeds, from her to eternity. From the one moment now at the present coordinates to the other moment later at the same spot, very precisely at the same spot, or moving measurably/immeasurably to the left or right, up, down, back & forth. なくなった時間を探せば、おそらく見つけることができない。This tracking, especially backward… It’s not exactly the smartest thing you could be doing. What we shall call a waste of time, literally, iconic, the very example that inspires the definition. Le moment douloureux annonçait son visage fâché. 彼女の怒っている顔、怒っている目。And (or but?) an angry face is never a Platonic one. Some masochists might like it.  

[神] 昨日はちょっとだけごめん

 G Sorry about yesterday. Just a tiny little bit

[俺] 昨日はちょっとだけごめん、俺も

  I Same here. Just a wee wee bit

[神] 飲みすぎたか

 G You had a drink or two too much?

[俺] 逆に

  I Too little

[神] ついていけない

 G I can’t follow

[俺] それが問題

  I That’s the problem

[神] どういうこと

 G What do you mean

[俺] ピッタリそれ… が問題

  I Exactly that… is the problem

Nous gardions le jardin pour attirer les moustiques. 庭は、蚊のために。We kept the garden for the mosquitoes. A paradise of green for the bugs of art, of literature. Proust would say, and did say, the opposite, and removed the light. 暗いところへ。In praise of shadows and the inability to recognize M. Swann other than by his voice. 誰だと、声でわかるしかなかった。For disguise you can just grunt when buying condoms. コンドームを買う時に、ぶつぶつ。

[神] レシートご利用ですか

 G Would you like the receipt

[俺] ちんこご利用です

  I My penis will do

Un rien suffisait pour changer le cours de la pensée. The old excuse. 考えを変更するのは、直ぐ、風のせいで、風がなくても。Gone with the wind, even when there is none. Ah, the fickle mind and how it flows, or floats. With the waves but wearing no sombrero. Perhaps a bucket hat. Or better yet, bald, and bold, not reasoning but intuiting by the power of suddenness. 「急に」の力で。Faster than you can try rhomboids or half-moons. 直感の帽子という事は、やっぱり無い。 

[神] 誰も聞いてない

 G Nobody’s listening

[俺] その通り

  I That’s how it should be

[神] お客さんは、自分だけ

 G An audience of one, thy pitiful self?

[俺] 自分だけ

  I This pitiful self

[神] ちょっと、やっぱり、帽子欲しくない

 G Wouldn’t you want a little hat after all?

[俺] 何のために

  I What for?

[神] 雨に濡れないように

 G Not to get wet in the rain

[俺] どういう雨

  I What rain?

[神] 一人ぼちの涙

 G Your tears of loneliness

[俺] 関係ないだろ、そういう場合、帽子かぶても

  I A hat won’t help then

[神] そうか

  G You think?

[俺] そう

   I I think